Random Rant About Honesty

So I’ve decided to embark on the world of blogging, creating one of my own. I am, after all, a writer, and what better way to hone my skill than to write. And if I happen to get an audience, well, all the better.
Well, deciding to blog was the easy part; deciding what to write about was not so easy. After all, I’m generally sane, my ranting days seem long past, and I’m kind of paranoid about posting my stories on the internet, since if it’s ever to be published – though clearly not from any effort on my part – I’d like it to be in my name.
So what can I write about? Well, one problem I have is that I don’t generally read blogs, so I don’t know what makes one popular and another not, other than being so incredibly non-PC or controversial that you outrage the readers.
Maybe I’ll give that a try. Of course, this blog may be destroyed because of it, but then I’ll have learned something about free speech and the readership of my blog. So here goes:
I heard a story on NPR a few weeks ago about voice analysis of the latest message received by Osama Bin Laden. Apparently, he has a very distinctive voice and is still out there, now threatening more terrorist attacks on America. There were voice analysis experts questioning the validity of the positive ID, seeing as it came a mere four hours after the message arrived. So listening to this, it occurred to me that Osama Bin Laden, and the continual threat his absence has on the safety of America, has allowed President Bush – for whom I admittedly did not vote, either time – carte blanche rights in this continual “state of war” that our country is in. Another NPR story earlier that week had addressed that issue exactly, pointing out that during times of war, the president has much more power, and that this “war on terror” is necessarily never-ending, thus allowing the president to keep doing whatever he wants. And by continually being the aggressor, he guarantees that there will always be an enemy.
I recently read a quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. that I would like to include here:
“Let us move now from the practical how to the theoretical why. Why should we love our enemies?
The first reason is fairly obvious. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.” (King, Strength to Love)
Clearly, President Bush’s approach to defeating world violence is flawed. And in putting this country deep into debt, he is choosing to budget a larger military by drawing money away from education.
Maria Montessori was a great, peace-loving woman who, 99 years ago, opened a school for children in a very poor and violent section of Rome, and in doing so showed the world that children, when respected and offered the chance to contribute to their environment, can truly excel. Children exposed to the Montessori philosophy learn cooperation, patience, a respect for people and the environment. I have read her book, The Absorbent Mind, and while I’ve undoubtedly forgotten many details about the book, I remember the awe and immense respect I felt for this woman as I read the book. She was the first woman to graduate from medical school in Italy, and she chose to devote her life – “waste” her life, as her colleagues saw it – to educating children. The Montessori principle is one of peace and cooperation, and the best foundation for life I could possibly hope to provide for my children.
I’ve admittedly gleaned many ideas of this rant from the Head of School at my son’s school. He writes an article every week for the school’s newsletter, and I am always impressed with how genuine a man he is. His most recent writing was about Dr. King, honoring his birthday, and, as usual, sharing some insight into the life and mind of Maria Montessori.
But the point in bringing all this up is that if we want peace, and perhaps we don’t, then the way is clearly not through war. Conflict resolution, not through bullying or intimidation, but through cooperation and respect, should be the goal.
And that, in fact, is what the writers and producers of “Commander in Chief” seem to be saying. That week’s episode showed the president bringing the country – peacefully - back from the brink of war with North Korea. It was beautiful, masterfully executed, and I was at the edge of my seat the whole time, happy to have DVR (it was on opposite “Scrubs”, and my husband can’t stand Geena Davis, so I watched it the next day while my husband was at work), but a little annoyed that the kids kept wanting to play with me (which I did, by the way. I sat on the floor and wrestled with them, we built towers with blocks, and we played “Fall Down,” in which I sit with my feet on the ground and my knees together and up, and my boys stand across the room against the wall. Then they take turns calling “Aaaaaaaaaa” as one boy runs to me, leans his chest against my legs, and I fall down, lifting him up into the air. Then I set him down and he runs back to the wall to wait while his brother has a turn. This is how my 21 month old – when he first started walking at 11 months – learned to take turns).
Speaking of peace and cooperation, my boys do fight. They do. And just yesterday, my elder son wrongly accused his brother of breaking a lamp that he accidentally knocked down. And when I hear the little one crying, the elder one – the only one currently capable of speaking in intelligible sentences – tells me “he fell by himself” and concocts a story about how he was standing there and pulled on the toy and fell backwards into the table and that’s why he’s crying. Never mind that the toy the little one had carried into the room is now in the elder one’s hand. So a little lying occurs, and I wonder how to teach him the value of honesty. We talk, a lot, and I try to instill values in him, and he’s a wonderful kid. But my bag of tricks is kind of empty right now. How do you teach a four-and-a-half year old that it’s not okay to lie? I don’t think punishing him when we catch him in a lie will do the trick, because in punishing him, his thoughts switch from “what did I do wrong?” to “how dare they do this to me?” Maybe I’ll talk to him – right after he blames his brother for something – and ask him if his cheeks feel a little warm, if he feels a little sad, a little bad about what might happen to his brother if his brother gets in trouble for something he did. We’ve already had one situation where I told him I didn’t believe him. He was telling some outrageous story, and I told him that because he’s recently been caught lying a lot, I didn’t believe that he was telling me the truth, despite his insistence.
I don’t lie to my kids. And for the most part, I try very hard not to lie to anyone else either (I can’t remember the last time I did lie). Even if it were just a small fib, even to a telemarketer, I’d rather tell the truth. But not everyone thinks like I do. That’s fine. I don’t judge. Maybe I’ve just always sucked at lying and so it’s made my life much simpler not to lie at all, whatever. I hear parents tell their kids “Sorry, there are no more cookies” when there are, and if it works for them, fine. I opt, with my kids, to tell them they don’t get to have any more. My elder son knows that after six o’clock, he can either drink milk or water, and he accepts that.
But anyhow, the problem with always being honest is that I can’t necessarily tell when someone is lying to me. I have too much faith in people, perhaps, but I kind of assume that it’s easier to tell the truth when it’s not a big deal, than to lie unnecessarily. So if I’m just having a casual conversation with someone at a coffee shop, that person will tell the truth. But how do I know? Unless I meet the person again, and he has an entirely different name, is working an obviously different job than what he told me he had, and he’s with his male life partner instead of the wife and kids he talked about, I’d never know. Not really.
And where does that leave me? What happens to someone exposed to a lifetime of little lies? It’s only a problem if the lies unravel, right? Am I lying when I color my hair? Or when I dress in slacks and a dress shirt when I’m in a sweats and sweatshirt kind of mood? What is honesty? I know by dressing nicer than I feel (though still comfortably) I am altering my mood, so by lying to myself early, I put myself in a better mood. But then, by choosing the clothes my sons wear, am I denying them their self-expression. Or as kids, do you not need clothes to express yourself?
And what does that have to do with President Bush and Osama bin Laden? Well, is bin Laden still alive, or did he die early on, and the voice they’ve been using is either a computer generated one or the voice of someone else altogether? America may not like Bush, but they feel he is doing what he has to do to keep the country safe in these dangerous times. This is not the time to challenge him or his credentials; it wouldn’t be good for the country. Sure, he’s ignoring health care and education and the country in general, but don’t you know how busy he is defending the country from terrorists? And as long as bin Laden is alive, the threat is alive. Sometime shortly before the next election, I predict (based on no fact, mind you, just my years of watching Indian movies where the plots were predictable and the songs were often catchy, and maybe from reading one of Michael Moore’s books) that Osama bin Laden will be found, dead or alive, and that some Republican, perhaps Rudolf Guiliani, will become the next presidential candidate. The terror of 9/11 will finally have come to a close, and Guiliani’s New York has found redemption and the emotional heart-wrenching memory of 9/11 and the memory of how great Guiliani did in the wake of that will make any opponent have to risk sounding non-patriotic. Because these days, any criticism of America is non-patriotic. Civil liberties are being taken away, all in the name of freedom. Maybe this is the audience Toni Morrison was seeking with her children’s book The Big Brown Box:
I know that you’re smart,
and I know that you’re doing
What you think is best for me
But if freedom is handled just your way
Then it’s not my freedom, or free.

But then, maybe I’m just paranoid. I’m ten-and-a-half weeks pregnant with my third child and I’m either nauseous or paranoid that something happened because I’m not nauseous.
So I guess this blog is a little glimpse inside my head. I generally avoid the news because 1) I hate that Fox News is “Everywhere,” (for those of you not in Cleveland, Ohio, this voice whispers the word "Everywhere" annoyingly) 2) I don’t trust it, and 3) I get scared that the world is getting to be worse and worse and what am I doing trying to raise kids in this world? I’ve always believed I would do something great in life; that’s what my mother always told me and I guess I always believed her. But I don’t have a clue what that something will be. Maybe I’ll be a published writer, maybe the mother of the next President of the USA (like his t-shirt says), or maybe I’ll develop some charity or something to really help the world. I just have to keep my focus and sanity.
But until then, I’ll just blog on.