My Soapbox Is Crumbling
Over the past few days, I've learned I'm a hypocrite. Some would call it a realist, some would say I'm growing up. Whatever.
Long, long ago, when I was but a foolish lass, I held strong to my ideals. I remember learning about Earth Day in high school, and oh how it spoke to me. I relished the idea of a wonderful world in which people respected the earth, nay, that I would grow up to be one with the earth and show it respect. I became a vegetarian at age 14 after reading an article about Howard Jones. Moral reasons, all about respecting all of God's creatures.
In college and shortly after, I cared. I participated with some of my theater classmates in creating several public service announcements, shown during Saturday morning cartoons, educating kids about the dangers of lead poisoning. My first car had a gas mileage of something like 45 highway/36 city. I gave blood regularly. At one point, I even owned a pair of Birkenstocks!
Fast forward to three years ago. Ten days before giving birth to my third child, I break down and get the minivan. Two years ago, despite railing against the evil empire that is Microsoft, I bought a new computer - loaded with Vista. I then proceed to pay retail for Windows XP Professional to downgrade my computer. I reasoned that my clients will require me to be programming applications that will run on a PC, so I must program on a PC.
I recycle, but I don't compost. For my next car, I will choose four-wheel drive at the expense of gas mileage. I wear leather. Well, for that matter, I eat meat too. I did start eating meat again on my 19th birthday, so perhaps that should have been a sign. I buy packaged foods. I sometimes leave lights on in rooms that I leave.
This weekend, I went to buy a new lawn mower. My shoulder has been hurting me all spring and summer, and I finally realized it was that my mower has been tough for me to start, and that all the extra yanks were doing a number on my shoulder. Sadly, the fact that I've been lifting and carrying at least one kid for the past eight years hasn't helped strengthen the particular muscles needed for this task. Guess our gym equipment will start getting used after all. Anyhow, the mower really just needs a tune-up, and could probably run a lot longer, but I wanted to get a new one. I considered getting one of those Reel Mowers, and had we gone about attempting to replace the mower last summer, I probably would have gotten one. In fact, I came quite close to buying a battery-powered mower before I convinced myself (and my dad helped convince me) that the price of ownership was too high (sure, right now the battery lasts for 45 minutes, but after a few years - after the warranty runs out - if it goes down to only lasting 30 minutes, all of a sudden it takes me 2 days to mow my lawn, since I'll have to charge the battery overnight). I went with the mainstream option that will be cheaper to fix (although I didn't actually pay to get my old one fixed - what gives?). I went with the reliance on fossil fuels (gas powered mower).
And isn't that the whole benefit of Microsoft? No, wait, it's not reliable. It's not cheaper to fix. But it is mainstream and I went with it. Shame on me for being a hypocrite. I read this article about going open source, and the truth is, I won't do it. Much as I'd like to think that I would and should, it will never happen.
So now, instead of standing on my soapbox, spewing strong opinions about right versus wrong, being so self assured and eager to engage others in meaningful discussions about the merits of my point of view, I sit precariously on the edge of a crumbling ledge, trying to keep my head high and keep from falling off the slippery slope of compromised ideals.
But that, in truth, is why I've enrolled my children at Ruffing. While being good to the earth is an inner struggle for me, I want my kids to be somewhere where being respectful, and earth-friendly, and all-in-all good people is the norm. Just as my parents struggled to provide us a good life here in America, the land of opportunity (ironic, then, that all the tech jobs are back in India now), I now struggle so that my kids do not have to.
So I must ask - is parenthood the natural enemy of the soapbox, or its greatest ally?
Long, long ago, when I was but a foolish lass, I held strong to my ideals. I remember learning about Earth Day in high school, and oh how it spoke to me. I relished the idea of a wonderful world in which people respected the earth, nay, that I would grow up to be one with the earth and show it respect. I became a vegetarian at age 14 after reading an article about Howard Jones. Moral reasons, all about respecting all of God's creatures.
In college and shortly after, I cared. I participated with some of my theater classmates in creating several public service announcements, shown during Saturday morning cartoons, educating kids about the dangers of lead poisoning. My first car had a gas mileage of something like 45 highway/36 city. I gave blood regularly. At one point, I even owned a pair of Birkenstocks!
Fast forward to three years ago. Ten days before giving birth to my third child, I break down and get the minivan. Two years ago, despite railing against the evil empire that is Microsoft, I bought a new computer - loaded with Vista. I then proceed to pay retail for Windows XP Professional to downgrade my computer. I reasoned that my clients will require me to be programming applications that will run on a PC, so I must program on a PC.
I recycle, but I don't compost. For my next car, I will choose four-wheel drive at the expense of gas mileage. I wear leather. Well, for that matter, I eat meat too. I did start eating meat again on my 19th birthday, so perhaps that should have been a sign. I buy packaged foods. I sometimes leave lights on in rooms that I leave.
This weekend, I went to buy a new lawn mower. My shoulder has been hurting me all spring and summer, and I finally realized it was that my mower has been tough for me to start, and that all the extra yanks were doing a number on my shoulder. Sadly, the fact that I've been lifting and carrying at least one kid for the past eight years hasn't helped strengthen the particular muscles needed for this task. Guess our gym equipment will start getting used after all. Anyhow, the mower really just needs a tune-up, and could probably run a lot longer, but I wanted to get a new one. I considered getting one of those Reel Mowers, and had we gone about attempting to replace the mower last summer, I probably would have gotten one. In fact, I came quite close to buying a battery-powered mower before I convinced myself (and my dad helped convince me) that the price of ownership was too high (sure, right now the battery lasts for 45 minutes, but after a few years - after the warranty runs out - if it goes down to only lasting 30 minutes, all of a sudden it takes me 2 days to mow my lawn, since I'll have to charge the battery overnight). I went with the mainstream option that will be cheaper to fix (although I didn't actually pay to get my old one fixed - what gives?). I went with the reliance on fossil fuels (gas powered mower).
And isn't that the whole benefit of Microsoft? No, wait, it's not reliable. It's not cheaper to fix. But it is mainstream and I went with it. Shame on me for being a hypocrite. I read this article about going open source, and the truth is, I won't do it. Much as I'd like to think that I would and should, it will never happen.
So now, instead of standing on my soapbox, spewing strong opinions about right versus wrong, being so self assured and eager to engage others in meaningful discussions about the merits of my point of view, I sit precariously on the edge of a crumbling ledge, trying to keep my head high and keep from falling off the slippery slope of compromised ideals.
But that, in truth, is why I've enrolled my children at Ruffing. While being good to the earth is an inner struggle for me, I want my kids to be somewhere where being respectful, and earth-friendly, and all-in-all good people is the norm. Just as my parents struggled to provide us a good life here in America, the land of opportunity (ironic, then, that all the tech jobs are back in India now), I now struggle so that my kids do not have to.
So I must ask - is parenthood the natural enemy of the soapbox, or its greatest ally?
posted by BrainHickey | 1:24 PM
1 Comments:
Great post. It's funny because I've been meaning to write a similar post about how nobody is 100% consistent with their beliefs. But we all do what we can. It would hopefully make you feel better. You should go veg. again though. It's better for the environment (and the animals).
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home