Lessons Learned

Okay, I’ve got half an hour to write. Eldest son at school, second and third are asleep. Okay, I don’t know when the smallest will wake up, but I have to wake up the second in half an hour, so that’s what I’m going with.

I haven’t written in so long. I haven’t had this free time in so long, I almost didn’t know what to do with it. I thought, should I fold laundry? Should I make pesto? Should I check my email? NO! I once read some book (and of course, I can’t remember what it is right now), and at the end, there was a reading group guide including an interview with the author. So the question was asked, “How do you find time to write with two young children?” And the author answered – and this has become (or should become) my mantra – “Never do anything when they’re asleep that you can do while they’re awake.”

That is, I must say, the most brilliant piece of writing advice I have heard. Heck, that’s just plain great advice. So what if you are folding laundry while your kids play? For a while there, I had my eldest son helping me with the laundry. He got to play the matching game with a mound of socks. He was rather good at it. Now, I try to get him to help hang up his clothes, and he whines and complains about it.

Speaking of whining, my middle son has started having a hard time going to school. He was fine at first, but yesterday, he had a huge tantrum at home and cried as his teacher carried him from the car. Of course, he then proceeded to fall asleep an hour later. So I got him to bed earlier last night, and today, he didn’t start crying until I got to the school and the teacher came to get him out. Until then, I think he had convinced himself we were just dropping off his brother.

Okay, I was wrong. I had five minutes to write. My mother-in-law is here, and I’m not going to be rude. Uh oh. I think she brought a bunch of food. The problem is, my husband just spent two hours at the grocery store yesterday. Of course, it was during the witching hour (that wondrous evening time that encompasses dinnertime and getting ready for bed; it took so long for me to get them fed that they didn’t have time for their bath). (I guess I have a few more minutes as she unloads her car).

I’ve learned a few things since yesterday. Last night, my husband worked his first night shift since the boys started the school year. Which meant that it was my first night going solo with three kids. Of course, that extended into the previous evening during the witching hours, and I was freaking out. I kept waiting for him to come home so I could start making rotli (I have the timing down with rolling the dough and cooking it concurrently, but then I can’t handle any interruptions – a.k.a. the kids – so I usually wait for backup). But, as 5:00 rolled around, I decided the boys would have to eat and I didn’t feel I could wait. Fortunately for me, the neighbor’s kid was over playing, so my boys didn’t keep fighting each other. (Crazy how it gets easier to take care of kids when there’s more of them – lesson 1). Plus, I let them watch a “Little Einsteins” video.

Lesson 2 – Dread is worthless. I was dreading this morning. It was the first time I’d be getting the boys ready for school all by myself. I didn’t know if I could wake up in time, if I could get them ready, if the little one would have to feed. There was just so much uncertainty. Well, it went fine. I got the boys ready by myself all last year, and the baby – pretty darn easy to get ready. Having gotten them to eat well and sleep on time the night before meant I had two pleasant boys in the morning. Not that they were efficient – they are, after all, 5 and 2 – but they were all in all pretty happy, and I managed to maintain a good mood (because when I freak out and get angry, it doesn’t work – lesson 3). So dreading what would happen just wasted my energy and made me unhappy for nothing.

Final lesson: don’t make Indian food before a night shift. We have a general agreement that whoever cooks, the other person cleans. It is, of course, negotiable (I’ll clean if you’ll take the kids up for bed), but when the designated cleaner can’t do either because he has to go to bed before his night shift, then you get stuck doing all of it – cooking, cleaning, and putting the boys to bed. And when cooking Indian food, that’s a lot more cleaning to be done.

I didn’t say these would be life-altering lessons. On five hours of sleep a night, some of the most basic things seem to be insightful lessons (like – before you take a nap, set the alarm clock so you don’t oversleep and fail to pick up your son – not that that has happened – yet).