Things that make you go “What The?”

For starters, I think that I’m a pretty conscientious parent. I try to set a good example, and when I catch my kids repeating some bad action of my own, I work hard to eliminate said behavior. For example, a three-year-old is quite apt to repeat words that you say, especially, it seems, ones that you don’t even realize you’re saying. That said, I have curbed my tendency toward profanity considerably, and when I feel inclined to swear, I catch myself and turn the potential cuss word into nonsensical syllables – Shhhhhiakamatafam. Fffffooooooeeeeee. You get the point. But the one that I didn’t realize I used most of all was one that my eldest son uses quite often, and completely accurately, is “What the?” That’s it. Nothing after it. Just “What the?” The funny thing for me is realizing that as far as he is concerned, that’s the whole phrase. So I don’t feel compelled to stop him from “swearing” and I get to chuckle inside whenever I hear him.

Anyhow, I’ve been trying to think about my next blog topic (actually I’m also trying to come up with a good Sharepoint application, but that's beside the point), and the best I could come up with was mentioning a couple things that just don’t make sense to me. My husband thought I should title this article “It’s my job to write about the mundane,” which is how I responded to his look when I told him about what I was planning to write about. But this is actually kind of reminding me of a story I had written back in college titled “Grasshoppers, Laughs, and the Letter Q” that I should probably post some time. It was really about the mundane (like, why are grasshoppers called grasshoppers? Do they appreciate being known only by one thing that they do - their tendency to hop grass?) The story was actually chosen to be published in 3 consecutive issues of a free publication in Columbus called “The Green Bean” (back in 1995), but after the first issue, they went out of business and the last two-thirds of the story never got published. And then Seinfeld became famous, and if I try to sell it now, it’s like I’m just a Seinfeld-wannabe. Oh well.

Anyhow, here are a couple of things that make me go “What the?” First of all, just because Immodium can be chewed, that doesn’t mean it should be chewed. For our recent trip to India, I bought some chewable Immodium, figuring that if we’re somewhere where the water is of questionable quality, and we needed the medicine, we should be able to take it despite the water restriction. Well, regular Immodium tablets are so tiny that – I discovered later – I can swallow one just with saliva. But by making giant, chewable tablets, the makers of Immodium couldn’t completely hide the bitter taste of the pill.

The other thing I wonder about these days is why lotion soaps are so popular. The soap in my bathroom boasts about being one-fourth moisturizing cream. Doesn’t lotion work best by being applied to and then left on your hands? Aren’t you just paying more money to have less soap to clean with? If lotion is so important and necessary, is it really so difficult wash and dry your hands and THEN apply lotion? And to be clear, I picked up the soap at the grocery store, where all three of my options contained lotion.

This makes me realize and appreciate, however, the beauty of marketing. My three-year-old, who cannot read, knows Kix from Cookie Crisp from Cocoa Pebbles (yes, we stock all three at our house, though more of the latter two – no high fructose corn syrup in my cereal!). He can differentiate between McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, and Burger King.

That said, realizing the power of marketing, I have used my own brand of brainwashing, for good, not evil. Now when we drive past a fast food restaurant, he tells me that we shouldn’t eat there because they have chemicals.