Toy Guns: Are They So Bad?

So my general parenting philosophy has been that toy guns are not good. Teaching kids that guns, violence, and hurting others is something to be done for fun just seems wrong. Violence begets violence, so letting them watch fighting and killing on television are also wrong.

Well, first of all, monitoring my kids’ television viewing has gotten much more difficult lately, since when they stay at their grandparents’ houses, they are allowed to watch show after show, unmonitored, with the general assumption being that as long as they’re watching cartoons, they’re fine. So my kid comes home telling me about all sorts of shows he’s watched, all the great fighting scenes where the heroes shoot and kill the bad guys. And he proceeds to play act all sorts of scenes from these shows. Of course, my son has learned to defend his actions, responding when I ask what he’s doing by saying he’s only fighting bad guys.

But of course, that escalates. And lately, he’s taken out his frustrations on other people, including his brother. And finding effective ways to channel his –sometimes-violent – energy can be challenging.
So earlier this week I was watching a rerun of “7th Heaven” and the Reverend’s father, a retired Colonel, was playing cowboys with his young grandsons (I guess it’s probably unnecessary to mention that they’re young, since teenagers don’t often play cowboys). The Colonel mentioned that he had to go out and buy the wooden toy guns because he couldn’t find any in the house. The reverend replied that there was a reason for that; that he and his wife don’t believe kids should play with guns. Well, the Colonel’s response was that sometimes kids should fight the bad guys. It’s okay to know there are bad guys out there, and that they need to step up to the plate and fight for what’s right. They need to learn to stand up for themselves and for good, and pretend fighting is a good way to do that.

I have to say, much as I hate to think that I would change my parenting philosophy based on a television show, it would be unreasonable for me to completely discount a well-presented, reasonable argument. Usually, the standard argument is “it’s not a big deal” or “you’re over-reacting” or “I played with toy guns when I was a kid and I turned out fine.”

Frankly, even if we have no toy guns in the house, imagination turns plastic golf clubs and countless other toys into guns. One choice is to continue what I’m doing now, and say no to guns. Another option is to give in, to just let it go and hope that what the Colonel said is right. And finally, my third option is to let him play with his pretend guns, but to make him clarify whom the bad guy is and discuss what makes this guy bad and worth fighting. Maybe by clarifying whom it’s okay to fight he’ll be less inclined to fight the good guys. (Kind of in a ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff’ manner, where he’s fighting terrorists and should maintain his cool when his brother knocks down his train tracks or block tower.