Technology and Parenting: The Ultimate Battle!
I recently read this article in the NY Times (Full Disclosure: a friend posted a link to the article on Facebook) titled Toddlers' Favorite Toy: The iPhone, which proves, without a doubt, that the iPhone is a dangerous, dangerous thing, and that our children are going to grow up as spoiled zombies with no social skills. Experts all agree that iPhones, the television, and video games are the worst things in the world for our children, and that those of us who have allowed these devil's playthings into our homes and into their hands are horrible, irresponsible parents.
Okay, perhaps I'm editorializing a little bit, and I may seem a little defensive. But here's the thing: I'm a software engineer. I'm working on building a website where children can read stories online, where parents can find stories they like for their children to read online. I have three active sons. And in our house, we have three working computers, two televisions (only one of which is ever used), a Nintendo Wii, and three Nintendo DS's. We also own a portable DVD player that we allow our kids to watch movies on during long road trips. So yes, I may have taken the criticisms in the article a little personally.
But here's the thing: raising children in a technologically-advanced world is not easy, but it is no more difficult than raising children in a pre-tech world. Simply hiding all technology from our children is not going to help them in the future, not when many of the basic tools of the future will be built upon the skills they gain now from playing video games (credit goes to my husband for this point). What will the controls of cars be like in the future? Will cars still be manufactured with the same levers and manual controls of today, or might the controllers be more reminiscent of the Wii controller and nunchuk? Since they will be designed by those individuals growing up today amongst these responsive controllers, why would they not choose to integrate what they know into what they need?
My youngest son got a DS for his fourth birthday. I'm sure many of you believe that this is far too young an age for him to own one. But since both his brothers own DS's, which they would share with him, and we were heading on our long summer drive to Montreal, my husband and I decided it would be fine. Our eldest got his as a Christmas present right before we flew out to India for two weeks. The ground rules were set:
My kids know the rules, and they follow them if they wish to play. They are not allowed to take their DS's to school, but they did take them to their brother's indoor soccer practice, when they were expected to sit around and wait for their brother.
In other words, there are times when it is perfectly acceptable for a child to be occupied by a handheld game system, and as long as parents are willing to monitor their children's activities, and be willing to tell them 'no' if they break the rules, then the children are not going to become evil minions of Satan (or whatever it is techno-phobic parents are afraid of).
The example in the article spoke of a toddler who wouldn't get into the car to go to daycare without getting to play with the iPhone. This has nothing to do with the iPhone. Substitute the word "binky" or "dolly" in the sentence, and the behavior is the same. You may argue that the iPhone is more likely to draw the attention of the child, but that's a load of crap. The parental reaction is the issue, not the toy. To blame the toy is to set a parent up to avoid taking responsibility for teaching their child proper behavior. Yes, that sounds harsh, but each time that parent decided to reinforce the tantrum, it taught the child to have a tantrum. I don't blame the parent for doing what it takes to get out the door on time - if it works, great. Just don't blame the iPhone for your choices. Because it is the parent's decision that it's more important to get out the door than to wean the child off the iPhone. It's not the child's fault. The child is not in charge; the parent is. The child needs to be taught the proper response. Just not right at that moment.
When I first got my iPhone, my children wanted to play with it all the time. I loaded a few games on there (only free ones) and let them play with it (again, only at indoor soccer practice, in doctor's offices, or while waiting somewhere for an insane amount of time in a setting where it would be inappropriate to allow the kids to run around or be active). But then they wouldn't share, or they would try to snatch it from their brother, or somehow lose the privilege of getting to play with it, and I would take it back. The novelty wore off quickly, especially with all these darn rules I kept imposing on them, and they now barely play with it (or use it more for talking to their grandparents).
When my then five-year-old first played the Cars racing game on the DS, he couldn't keep the car on the track. Now, he regularly comes in first place in that game. Of course, we now encourage him to play some of the more educational games (and do monitor that as well), but in the end, he was able to
For a while, the only way I could get my three-year-old to school on time was to feed him breakfast while he watched the Wiggles at 7:30am. Then, once the show ended, it was time to get ready for school. We knew it wasn't a long term solution, but with a new baby in the house as well, it helped. That summer, the TV room was unavailable for a while during a construction project, and I seized that opportunity to break the habit. We hung onto the schedule: downstairs for breakfast by 7:30, get ready to go at 8, but we no longer watch television while we eat (exception: during football games, when of course you have to eat chips and salsa and maybe even pizza).
These days, despite having all the above-mentioned technology floating around our house, our boys barely touch it. Television, to them, is a bad-weather form of entertainment. We have the occasional Family Movie Night, but if the weather is good, we might choose to go on a family hike instead. I'm not saying I have all the answers; as my boys get older, I'm still learning the best ways to teach them responsible and safe web browsing. I've set up logins for them on the family computer, which limits their computer access time (both in terms of hours available and how much time they get), I'm working on tweaking the internet filters, and I'm teaching them never to reveal personal information online. But that's another post, in which I'll undoubtedly have a whole lot more questions than answers.
Okay, perhaps I'm editorializing a little bit, and I may seem a little defensive. But here's the thing: I'm a software engineer. I'm working on building a website where children can read stories online, where parents can find stories they like for their children to read online. I have three active sons. And in our house, we have three working computers, two televisions (only one of which is ever used), a Nintendo Wii, and three Nintendo DS's. We also own a portable DVD player that we allow our kids to watch movies on during long road trips. So yes, I may have taken the criticisms in the article a little personally.
But here's the thing: raising children in a technologically-advanced world is not easy, but it is no more difficult than raising children in a pre-tech world. Simply hiding all technology from our children is not going to help them in the future, not when many of the basic tools of the future will be built upon the skills they gain now from playing video games (credit goes to my husband for this point). What will the controls of cars be like in the future? Will cars still be manufactured with the same levers and manual controls of today, or might the controllers be more reminiscent of the Wii controller and nunchuk? Since they will be designed by those individuals growing up today amongst these responsive controllers, why would they not choose to integrate what they know into what they need?
My youngest son got a DS for his fourth birthday. I'm sure many of you believe that this is far too young an age for him to own one. But since both his brothers own DS's, which they would share with him, and we were heading on our long summer drive to Montreal, my husband and I decided it would be fine. Our eldest got his as a Christmas present right before we flew out to India for two weeks. The ground rules were set:
- no playing the DS when there are other people around.
- You must share.
- You must take care of the DS, including charging it and keeping track of all pieces.
My kids know the rules, and they follow them if they wish to play. They are not allowed to take their DS's to school, but they did take them to their brother's indoor soccer practice, when they were expected to sit around and wait for their brother.
In other words, there are times when it is perfectly acceptable for a child to be occupied by a handheld game system, and as long as parents are willing to monitor their children's activities, and be willing to tell them 'no' if they break the rules, then the children are not going to become evil minions of Satan (or whatever it is techno-phobic parents are afraid of).
The example in the article spoke of a toddler who wouldn't get into the car to go to daycare without getting to play with the iPhone. This has nothing to do with the iPhone. Substitute the word "binky" or "dolly" in the sentence, and the behavior is the same. You may argue that the iPhone is more likely to draw the attention of the child, but that's a load of crap. The parental reaction is the issue, not the toy. To blame the toy is to set a parent up to avoid taking responsibility for teaching their child proper behavior. Yes, that sounds harsh, but each time that parent decided to reinforce the tantrum, it taught the child to have a tantrum. I don't blame the parent for doing what it takes to get out the door on time - if it works, great. Just don't blame the iPhone for your choices. Because it is the parent's decision that it's more important to get out the door than to wean the child off the iPhone. It's not the child's fault. The child is not in charge; the parent is. The child needs to be taught the proper response. Just not right at that moment.
When I first got my iPhone, my children wanted to play with it all the time. I loaded a few games on there (only free ones) and let them play with it (again, only at indoor soccer practice, in doctor's offices, or while waiting somewhere for an insane amount of time in a setting where it would be inappropriate to allow the kids to run around or be active). But then they wouldn't share, or they would try to snatch it from their brother, or somehow lose the privilege of getting to play with it, and I would take it back. The novelty wore off quickly, especially with all these darn rules I kept imposing on them, and they now barely play with it (or use it more for talking to their grandparents).
When my then five-year-old first played the Cars racing game on the DS, he couldn't keep the car on the track. Now, he regularly comes in first place in that game. Of course, we now encourage him to play some of the more educational games (and do monitor that as well), but in the end, he was able to
- improve his hand-eye coordination;
- learn how to master a previously unfamiliar technology (using the buttons/stylus);
- master abstraction (recognizing that the stylus/controller movements in one spot controlled an object in a separate location, rather than having to manipulate the object manually); and
- maintain focus on a task, and
- keep trying something again and again out an inner desire to master a skill.
For a while, the only way I could get my three-year-old to school on time was to feed him breakfast while he watched the Wiggles at 7:30am. Then, once the show ended, it was time to get ready for school. We knew it wasn't a long term solution, but with a new baby in the house as well, it helped. That summer, the TV room was unavailable for a while during a construction project, and I seized that opportunity to break the habit. We hung onto the schedule: downstairs for breakfast by 7:30, get ready to go at 8, but we no longer watch television while we eat (exception: during football games, when of course you have to eat chips and salsa and maybe even pizza).
These days, despite having all the above-mentioned technology floating around our house, our boys barely touch it. Television, to them, is a bad-weather form of entertainment. We have the occasional Family Movie Night, but if the weather is good, we might choose to go on a family hike instead. I'm not saying I have all the answers; as my boys get older, I'm still learning the best ways to teach them responsible and safe web browsing. I've set up logins for them on the family computer, which limits their computer access time (both in terms of hours available and how much time they get), I'm working on tweaking the internet filters, and I'm teaching them never to reveal personal information online. But that's another post, in which I'll undoubtedly have a whole lot more questions than answers.
posted by BrainHickey | 9:20 AM
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