Potty Mouth

So the other day, I went into a public restroom to change my kid’s diaper, and someone came in and went into one of the stalls, presumably to relieve herself. After handing the kid off to my husband and returning to the bathroom, I could hear this woman, who was in a nearby stall. And what I heard was that the whole time that this woman was in the bathroom, she was talking on the phone. So I mentioned this to my husband, who thought it wasn’t a big deal (or perhaps he was just trying to goad me - he asked if I knew how many times he had talked to me on the phone when he was going to the bathroom, just to make me afraid).

The way I figure it, it’s just rude and gross. You wouldn’t bring someone into the bathroom stall with you, right? So why let someone hear what’s going on? Worse yet, if they don’t know you’re in the bathroom and then they learn – through any number of telltale sounds – how would they feel about unwittingly and unwillingly accompanying you somewhere they’d rather not go? How would they feel about you? I mean, you could always say, “Can I call you back in a few minutes? I have to go to the bathroom.” Perhaps you’re too embarrassed being so blunt. But in that case, why would you want to risk having the person on the other end of the line find out otherwise?

Maybe I’m missing something. Why would someone stay on the phone? If it was a personal call, they could call back a few minutes later. If it was a business call, well, then, frankly, it’s pretty darn unprofessional. I tried to explain what was wrong with it to my husband – since he insisted I offer more an explanation than “Ewww”. The best I could come up with was the concept of full disclosure (which I’ve already explained). See, it’s different than a group of women going into the bathroom together and hanging out and continuing to talk even while one (or more than one) person is in the stall. At that point, all parties involved in the dialogue are aware of the setting and have agreed to continue talking. Women who don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in a stall stay silent and wait for the other person to come out, or themselves don’t talk while they are in the stall. Each individual decides her own comfort level. But that decision is taken away from someone on the phone.

But then again, perhaps I am off base. Perhaps it really isn’t a big deal and nobody really cares except me. I have enough strange quirks and psychoses. Food, for example, should never ever go in the bathroom. The scene from “Mean Girls” where Lindsey Lohan’s character is sitting in a toilet stall with her lunch tray in her lap, eating her lunch in the bathroom, seriously almost made me gag. I yell at the boys if they ever take food into the bathroom (even something still completely packaged; I have stopped short of taking it from their hands and tossing it into the garbage, but it’s taken much restraint).

So I wonder, am I over the top, like my husband thinks, or is this normal? My brother-in-law would agree with me; he doesn’t store his toothbrush in the bathroom for the same reason. I applaud that. But is having one or two people who share my beliefs really an endorsement for a crazy belief? I need to know!

Ugh

Ugh. I must start by addressing it. Ugh. I only watched the first half, then had to go to bed because I had to be up in the morning to get my rather cranky fellows ready for school this morning, and I’m glad I didn’t stay awake. Ugh. I guess Troy Smith said something about how when you put it into perspective, if this is the worst thing to happen to him, then he’s got nothing to complain about. And I can respect that, because that is quite mature of him. However, it reeks of a lack of passion for the game. They just didn’t look like they were there. So, all I can really say is Ugh.

But anyhow, my new year’s resolution is not going very well. This year, as a family, we had resolved to be healthier, namely by eliminating high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) and partially hydrogenated vegetable oils (PHVO) from our diet.

You see, my husband had recently read an article that showed that consumption of high fructose corn syrup may lead to obesity and, more concerning for us, diabetes. Apparently, fructose is digested by the body differently than glucose, and does not stimulate insulin secretion. There’s more to it than that, and you can check out the article if you’re interested.

As for the oils, this website offers a good primer on understanding trans fats, which have plenty of media these days anyhow, but essentially, we’re trying to cut down on the causes of increased LDL (bad cholesterol) levels and, subsequently, the causes of coronary heart disease. And evidently, contrary to what our moms would like us to believe, we do not need butter in our diets (they say it is good for digestion and that kids need fat in their diets; margarine would be better.

So anyhow, we have scientific reasons for altering our diets. And really, by mostly cutting out processed or pre-packaged foods, we should be fine, right? Well, living in the real world, I’ve decided to start off by finding out just how much of this stuff we use. My first trip to the grocery store (technically on New Year’s Eve) took a while because I decided to read labels. On my list – wheat bread. Now, I actually prefer white bread (pb&j just isn’t the same on wheat) but decided I should grow up (I am almost 35, after all) and so have mostly switched to wheat bread. But amongst the healthier breads, I prefer the crunchy, namely the honey nut or twelve grain or what-have-you. So imagine my dismay at discovering, on the list of ingredients, high fructose corn syrup. And this on my healthy bread! Fine, I found an acceptable brand and was on my way.

Next on my list was cereal. Now, for those of you in the know, we are a cereal family. We have an entire shelf, probably 4 to 5 feet wide, usually filled with cereal, because you have to accommodate your cereal mood. Our selections range from Rice Krispies and Cheerios on one end to Fruity Pebbles and Reese’s Puffs on the other. When cereal is on sale, we stock up. And cereal consumption is a very personal, particular event. For example, I pour the milk first, then the cereal. Initially, it was to accommodate my then new husband who poured his cereal first, so neither of us would have to wait to start eating (something I don’t like to do!), but now I do it so I can carry my milked bowl to the dining room and have the milk already put away (thus, less clean up later). Also, one weirdism I have is in how I eat my cereal, a trait I’m trying to pass onto my son. You see, growing up, I would often get in trouble for not finishing my milk. But I’d be full from all the cereal (usually 2 bowls) and just couldn’t quickly finish my milk before rushing to the bus stop. So I started draining the milk from my spoon before taking each bite. This way, I figured, I’d have proper milk saturation of my cereal, would have enough milk in my bowl for my second bowl of cereal, and would be thirsty (sometimes even quite parched) at the end of the meal so I would actually look forward to gulping down my refreshing – yet not too cold – milk to finish off my breakfast.

So as the new year loomed, I started to mentally prepare myself for the big switch; I’d say goodbye to Cocoa Pebbles and hello to Basic 4 (or something like that; that stuff is too particulate for me and messes up my gulping of milk at the end). Imagine my surprise when I discovered that most of those so-called “healthy” cereals – Frosted Mini Wheats, Basic 4, Great Grains – all contain high fructose corn syrup. And, many “junk” cereals – Reese’s Puffs and Cookie Crisp – do not; they use actual sugar for sweetening. Fruity Pebbles does not use high fructose corn syrup (sorry to have misspoken), but it does contain partially hydrogenated vegetable oils. I’m afraid to check the Cocoa Pebbles (I much prefer that to the former), but I’m assuming it’s the same.

So we’re going to make this shift sanely. We’re not going to throw out every offending food item. Rather, we’ll finish what we have, but we won’t buy more. So in my quest to discover what stays and what goes, I’ve read labels on everything as I’ve prepared it. Here’s what I’ve discovered:

Pillsbury Pizza Crust (in the tube) (PHVO)
Smucker’s Strawberry Jam (HFCS)
Jif Peanut Butter (PHVO)
Reese’s Pieces (PHVO)
Animal crackers (both)
Wonder Kids Whole Grain White Bread (HFCS)
Sodas (except diet) (HFCS)
Heinz Ketchup (HFCS)
Most fruit juices from concentrate or otherwise (HFCS)
Hungry Jack Syrup (HFCS) – pure maple syrup is okay

I’d go on, but once I discovered that PB&J is out, I didn’t feel like it. It should be fine; I’ll just have to go to the store and find brands that are all-natural and free of the offensive ingredients. I’m sure I’ll find one – and hopefully, one that tastes good. It’ll take some hard work, and determination, but my goal by the end of the year is to enjoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, guilt free. And hopefully I won't have to start making jam at home!

So as I had said earlier, this resolution is not going well at all. It’s only the 9th, and already I’ve taken in plenty of high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated oils. We went to Chicago for the weekend. I made pizza rolls (with leftover spinach topping/filling) using the Pillsbury Pizza Crust, so we could eat in the car. Strike one. As we were driving, to avoid falling asleep, I got a cola. Well, it was a Sprite Zero, so that was actually fine. But on Saturday, with lunch, I had a couple glasses of Sierra Mist, and enjoyed them, knowing full well they contained HF corn syrup. With dinner, I again ordered a Sprite. With my French toast sticks, syrup. On the drive home, another Sprite. Heck, I had a couple bites of my kid’s Burger, a definite no-no. The boys had PB&J, juice boxes, syrup, Milano’s, Cheez-Its (ok, I haven’t actually checked that label yet, but my instinct is that all convenience foods contain one or the other). And we bought a pack of Nutter Butters for them to snack on.

The cool thing, though, is that my 5½ year old is willing to go along with this. He understands the concept of taking care of his body (and can be convinced to eat certain foods he doesn’t like because they contain protein, or calcium, or what-have-you), and while he did ask if he could eat the bad stuff at his grandparents’ houses (which is pretty reasonable since they usually get fresh homemade Indian food for their meals there anyhow), he’s been amazingly on-board with this. In fact, as he was eating his mini pancake snack, he went to the fridge and got himself some maple syrup since he knew that was better than the Hungry Jack.

So I suppose, if my 5½ year old son can improve his diet, so can I. And I won’t write off the entire year just because I’ve already partaken of the forbidden foods.