Lunchboxing

Recently, a couple of people have asked me for ideas on what to pack in lunch boxes, and while my initial reaction is "Why are you asking me? I'm still trying to figure that out myself!" I realize that it's not unreasonable to expect me to have a clue. I am, after all, starting my fifth consecutive year of packing school lunches. It would be expected that I figure out what the heck I'm doing in that amount of time.

And so, while I'm still always looking for new ideas, I guess I do have several standards that I easily fall back on. What I'm hoping for, through writing this, is to gather more ideas.

My boys attend a school that has no cafeteria, and that encourages packing no-waste lunches - meaning that Go-Gurts, Lunchables, Uncrustables, and other pre-packaged convenient items are not an option. I will, on occasion, toss one in (usually individual yogurt containers that I inherit after the boys have stayed with their grandparents but haven't finished all the treats that were bought for their visit). But for the most part, I have whole-heartedly adopted their Green philosophy.

Lunch Boxes
Everyone probably already has a lunch box by now, but for those that are still using last year's or are considering getting a new one, I'd like to recommend the byo lunch bag - not that you need to get them customized, I'm just avoiding promoting any one store - because they are EVERYWHERE). What I like about these is that they store flat (and when I have to store 3, it matters!), they can turn inside out to clean, they have ample storage space, and if need be, they are machine washable!

Other supplies
My older kids are expected to pack any utensils they need, a napkin, and a place mat. One thing I've found is that the large collection of baby washrags that we have around the house make nice cloth napkins. I'm actually looking for cloth napkins to use at mealtime that work as well, but in the meantime, we keep our drawer of washrags - and pack the non-patterned ones in the boys' lunches.

I've also picked up a few of those cute-shaped reusable ice packs (a football, a smiley face, and a monkey, to be precise) to toss into their lunches if need be (the bags insulate for 3 hours, so it's really not even necessary).

Finally, I bought an Aladdin Mini Lunch Bowl that comes with a spoon, and does fit into the byo lunch bag.

A couple of sandwich containers, and a whole shelf full of mini-storage (1/2 cup mini-round), and we're ready to go!

Composition of a Meal
To me, a lunch needs to include one "entree" and two sides. Last year, I confess, my fallback meal (which was fine by my boys) was a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, yogurt, and fruit. But with more kids having peanut allergies, I need more options (besides, I want to save PB&J for lunch on soccer game days).

I recently bought a cookbook that boasts recipes made up of 3 or 4 ingredients. I'm hoping some of these turn into decent lunch options. I'm starting by making these foods at home first, and will test how they taste colder (because really, how warm will they really remain 3 hours later - I'll have to test that too).

To me, anything that has to be done repeatedly needs to be as simple as possible. Someone recently posted this quote on Facebook that applies here:

“Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.” –Walter Chrysler

And that's my goal: to make easy the daily chore of packing three lunches. While the school does offer pizza lunches on Friday (for which I definitely sign up), there's still a lot of lunches to be made.

Please send me your suggestions, and I will add to this list with your name. If there's a simple recipe online, include a link which I can then post. Honestly, I want to be able to bookmark the page so I can check for ideas before heading to the grocery store each week. :) But, if you can get something out of this list too, great.

Side Items
If possible, I will pack up a few days' worth of these items and keep them in the fridge (if it's got enough space, which is iffy). I could even get the kids - at times - to do this step, as long as I am patient enough to clean up after them. Certain fruit that is omitted is because it will brown and having to drizzle lemon juice on top is one step too many.

I try to choose two items from the lists below, trying to choose from multiple lists for a well-rounded selection.

Fruit

• Grapes


• Kiwi (one kiwi, peeled, fourthed and sliced, will fit in a 1/2 cup container)


• Cantaloupe


• Watermelon (only post-picnic, and only the day after it's been cut)


• Strawberries


• Cherries (if you can get your kid to eat it; no luck here)


• Whole apple


• Dried cranberries


• Banana chips


• Raisins (Kelly O'Melia)

Vegetables
(opt: include a small container of ranch dressing or other dip)

• Carrot sticks


• Broccoli


• grape tomatoes (yes, I know, technically they're a fruit)


• Red Pepper wedges


• cucumber pieces


• Zucchini spears/slices (ok, this one hasn't happened yet, but a girl can dream)


• celery sticks


• olives (Kelly O'Melia)

Dairy

• cheese cubes


• yogurt (I buy a big tub of yogurt and dole it out into 1/2 cup portions)


• cottage cheese with a dollop of jelly mixed in (or they'll just eat the jelly)


• string cheese


• kefir (Kelly O'Melia)

Other Sides

• sesame sticks


• goldfish crackers


• pepperoni slices


• Apple raisin salad (2 med McIntosh apples + 1 tart apple, cored + diced; 8oz can pineapple tidbits, drained (save 1 Tbsp juice); 1 cup cottage cheese; 1/2 cup dark raisins; 1/4 tsp cinnamon. blend fruits + juice, mix with last 3, store airtight 2 days. makes 5 cups) - from Jean Pare's "School Days Lunches" cookbook


• hard-boiled egg (Kelly O'Melia)


• veggie chips (Kelly O'Melia)

Combinations

• Sesame sticks - Dried Cranberries - mozzarella cheese


• veggies - ranch dressing


• pita wedges - veggies - hummus


• crackers - shredded cheese - tomato sauce (don't forget to pack a spoon for spreading)

Main Courses

I'm going to categorize these based on the containers used to store them in, for lack of a better grouping system.

Sandwich Box

• Peanut butter and Jelly (I choose Natural/organic brands with no HFCS in them - save the bad ingredients for their junk food)


• Cream cheese and Jelly


• Nutella and Banana


• Nutella and Peanut Butter (if you simply must get your child to eat SOMETHING!)


• Pita & Hummus


• Pita pocket filled with tomato, cucumber, sprouts (opt.) and a ranch dressing/Sriracha hot sauce mix (to taste)


• Black bean & goat cheese quesadillas (blend BB w/ 1/2 cup salsa, coriander, honey drizzled, goat cheese - cook on pan, cut into wedges)


• Wrap 'n' Roll (1 can mixed beans, mashed + mixed with 1/4 c salsa + 1/4 c cream cheese. spread on tortilla, top with shredded cheddar cheese or grated carrot, ham slice (opt.). Roll tightly, jelly-roll-style, and cut into thirds (to fit sandwich box). Serve with salsa and/or sour cream as "dipping sauce." - from Jean Pare's "School Days Lunches" cookbook.


• Two-Bite Pizzas (mix 1/4 cup pizza sauce, 1/4 c grated mozz, 2 Tbsp sliced green onion, 2 Tbsp finely chopped mushroom, 1/8 tsp dried basil; slice crescent-style rolls - don't unroll first - into 12 disks and flatten to 2" diameter discks. Spread 2 tsp topping on each, sprinkle with 1/2 tsp bacon bits (opt.) and bake in 375 degree oven for 10-12 min until edges golden and cheese melted - from Jean Pare's "School Days Lunches"


• leftover burritos



• Egg Sandwiches (Kelly O'Melia) - My version includes coriander chutney, sliced tomato, cucumber, and hard-boiled eggs. Egg salad works too, I suppose


• Tuna


• Ham & Cheese (or any other sliced meat)


• Turkey & cranberry relish

Thermos
Each of these dishes can either be made in the morning or re-heated in the morning before being doled out into the thermos.

• soup - with a side of crackers or a nice crusty roll


• Pasta with pesto


• assorted leftovers - rice dishes (read up on food poisoning first, though, to be sure you thoroughly heat up your food and don't put your child at risk)


• Couscous - cooked to instructions, mixed with sauteed leeks and cheddar cheese, or blue cheese and caramelized onions, whatever your kid likes


• leftover pad thai

The nice thing about the Thermos category is that it works nicely with leftovers. So if your kid really liked a particular meal, store the leftovers directly in the thermos and reheat it a couple mornings later before sending it to school (and yes, that's another reason I recommend the Aladdin Mini Bowl; it's also machine washable).

Well, I hope that helps as you set off on a new school year. I would love to hear your suggestions, and I will happily update this post (no guarantee on when, though).

Travel Bag Toy Review

So what are some games that we packed and how good were they? Thanks for asking. The numbers in parentheses at the end of each item is the age of the kid for whom this toy was intended/used)
1. Magna Doodle: Don’t leave home without it. Our home has been in possession of at least one of these portable versions – the Doodle Pro for the past six years. It’s great for any age (we start them at about age 1, when they first make the association between putting pen to pad and noticing it does something), and it really doesn’t take up too much space. (1,3,6)
2. Crayons and paper: I usually keep the crayons that the kids get at restaurants, and then pack a few of these mini boxes in the backpack, so I really don’t mind if they get lost or broken. And when they run out of paper, we hand them the Sky Mall catalog and in-flight magazine to have fun with – well, we always plan to, but somehow it hasn’t happened yet. (1,3,6)
3. A few toy cars: These honestly have yet to be played with, but I keep thinking that they’d be so entertaining rolling on the tray table during turbulence, and they take up so little room, that they’re staying. (1,3,6)
4. UNO: As it turns out, kids as young as three-and-a-half can understand the game. And the nice thing is, at that age, they don’t understand that it’s bad to lose, so you don’t have to worry about them crying, “He’s teasing me,” when his younger brother wins and cheers “I winned! I winned!” My kids learned this game in India, and proceeded to play with all their cousins. It was a great icebreaker. (3,6)
5. A deck of cards: While in India, my eldest also learned a few magic tricks, which he regaled at showing to everyone he met. The middle one tried some tricks too, though not as successfully as his brother. The youngest one, meanwhile, enjoyed picking up and dropping the cards over and over. So perhaps for older kids, cards are good on planes, while younger kids can enjoy them on land. (1,3,6)
6. Mandala Designer: I found this at PlayMatters in Shaker Square. It’s for older kids, though younger ones, again, can use it, though perhaps the end results are not as artistic as they could be. Basically, it’s a stencil in a box. Paper on the bottom, several circular stencils that you can rotate to repeat a particular design, a pen, and some colored pencils. All in a handy case. Draw the design using the stencil then pull the paper out and color it in. (3,6)
7. Mini tape measures: The plan was that when they got antsy from sitting in one place for too long, I would let my elder two boys walk around the aisles a little while “measuring things.” Well, somehow, they’re generally content to stay in their seats (apparently I’ve overstocked the toy bag) and they didn’t use them once on a plane, though they did use them later. Maybe next time. (3,6)
8. Wikki Stix: My boys got this as a gift years ago, and it is a great travel toy. Waxy, flexible, colorful sticks that you can shape into anything. Why my boys insist on building blobs with them, I don’t know. Downside, they collect dog hair easily, and rid of it hesitantly. (1,3,6)
9. Pipe Cleaners: I bought a pack of 100 multi-colored pipe cleaners from a local craft store, put it in a gallon-size Ziploc bag, and then play with my kids on the plane. We build glasses, flowers, the sun, people, etc. Still working on making them think in three dimensions, but it’s still fun. Caution: the ends are pointy, so be careful when playing with little ones. My youngest enjoys them as well, but I don’t let him use it unattended. (1,3,6)
10. Brain Quest Games: I only included a link to the 7-8 year old cards, though many others are available. I bought this one and the one for ages 3-4. I sat with the elder two boys and they took turns. One kid would answer one card of questions, and then the other would answer all the questions on one card. The nice thing is that the cards are all attached, so you don’t have to worry about dropping it on a plane and scrunching down to find them. This actually held the boys’ attention for quite a while, which always gets points in my book. (3,6)
11. Lauri Travel Activity Packs I got the Primer Pak for ages 3-6. Though my youngest was able to use some of it, perhaps I should have gotten the younger pack for him. (1,3)
12. Color Wonder Set: Markers that only work on specific paper? Sign me up! I don’t like it so much at home, because the artwork fades over time, which sucks for a homegrown masterpiece. But when traveling, giving them coloring books that you don’t care to hang onto forever… it works. (1,3,6)
13. Flash Cards: We have I Spy (so you can play Go Fish with a bizarre twist), alphabet, numbers, states and capitals, colors and shapes, and a couple more that currently elude me. We pack one set for each age. (1,3,6)
14. Klixx: I forgot all about this one. It occupied the kids - and the adults - plenty. It's cheap, small, and creative. I found it at PlayMatters, but I also saw it on Amazon.com. (1,3,6,35)

Next time, I think I’ll probably also (or instead) pack:

1. Rush Hour Jr.: My elder two boys love it, and it comes with a travel bag. (3,6)
2. Tangoes: Compact, puzzles that make the kids think, pieces that the kids can put in their own configurations, pieces too big to choke on. This isn’t on the other list only because I can’t find either one of our sets right now, and can’t bring myself to buy a third set. (1?,3,6)
3. Discovery Toys Green Gators: Discovery Toys is one of those Avon/Mary Kay/Pampered Chef/Creative Memories deals where you'd have to find an individual selling these products, which is why I didn't include a link. You can probably find this on eBay or Craig's List. The game is basically charades cards, with a picture of an item, then the name of the item in English & Spanish. It's for ages 6+, but I've been able to play it with my 3 year old by asking him guided questions and letting the other people playing guess. (otherwise, here's what ensues:
me: So, tell me about what's on the card.
3yo: it's a boat.
me: no, no. let's try again. [get out new card] You want to get the other person to guess what it is.
3yo (to other person): ok. What is it? What is it?
me: tell them something about it.
3yo: it's a banana.
finally... me: [with new card] Is it a type of food?
3yo: no.
me: What color is it?
3yo: green.
6yo: is it an animal?
3yo: yes.
me: Okay, so it's an animal that's green. Is it big or small?
3yo: small.
6yo: Is it a frog?
3yo: Yes! It's a frog!

Well, that’s all I can remember right now. One other thing we do is keep the bag packed at all times. This isn’t to say we’re ready to travel on a moment’s notice, but rather it keeps most of the toys out of the kids’ hands at non-traveling times, so they actually only play with these toys on trips, and their novelty hasn’t completely worn off by the time the plane is in the air. And never discount the appeal that a toy intended for one boy has for his brother. If you can assuage the jealousy and settle the fight, it could extend the usefulness of any game.

Flying with Kids

I’ve recently accrued some serious frequent flier miles, as have my 3 kids. And in the process, I’ve put forth considerable thought into how to make the experience a positive one. I read numerous articles, online and in the newspaper, and talked to countless people who offered all sorts of advice on what to do, and what to take, on a cross-country – or overseas – flight with young children. And so, with this knowledge, I thought I’d compile it all into a handy place so 1) I don’t go crazy trying to reinvent the wheel next time I travel, and 2) other people can benefit from my experience (or laugh at my folly, whatever).

First a little background. I traveled with 3 boys, ages six-and-a-half, three-and-a-half, and almost one-and-a-half. First we flew from Cleveland to San Francisco, then drove down to Los Angeles, drove around LA a lot, and then flew back to Cleveland. Our second trip was from Cleveland to Mumbai, with a layover in Newark, lots of travel within Mumbai (taxis, cars, and even auto-rickshaws – oh what fun!), and then, of course, flying back Mumbai-Newark-Cleveland. I will henceforth refer to these as the California trip and the India trip. We don’t like to carry a lot of items onto the plane, but typically, we have a diaper bag, a small bag with some snacks, and a rolling backpack for the kids. For the India trip, we took along one of those carry-on suitcases with a change of clothes for everyone, extra toys, extra snacks, and a toiletry bag (although we stupidly kept full-size tubes of toothpaste – both ours and the kids’ – in there and had to get rid of them after the security screening. Oops).

Packing snacks is always a debacle for us, because the kids are so picky that they never want what I pack. Or maybe I just suck at picking snacks. But as long as I don’t think of the food as being just for the plane ride, but rather for the trip, it evens out – generally. Before we went to California, we stopped by at our favorite local bakery and picked up some goodies – sticky buns, chocolate croissants, almond croissants, scones, giant chocolate chip cookies – which everyone in the family loves. This collection, the assortment of flavored snack crackers (peanut butter and honey, grilled cheese, etc.), and the snacks in the basket that my brother’s wife’s family left for us when we checked into the hotel for my brother’s wedding, gave the kids their pre-breakfast that tided them over until we could all wake up and get presentable enough to make it down to breakfast. Granola bars never got eaten. The mini packs of ring pasta (Spaghettios) was tossed by security (oops). But the kids love buying things, so get them a yogurt at the coffee shop at the airport and they'll be happy.

Jumping back a bit chronologically, I want to mention that we bought three identical t-shirts from On The Rise (our favorite local bakery), and dressed the boys in them – with long sleeved shirts underneath – for traveling. They wore them on both legs, and as we arrived in Cleveland, a flight attendant waiting at the gate actually recognized them, mentioning that she remembered their shirts. The benefits, as I see it, are two-fold. 1) By dressing the kids in identical shirts, if by chance one would accidentally be misplaced (for lack of better word), we could grab the closest brother and ask passersby, “Have you seen someone that looks like this only smaller/bigger?” and 2) We’re helping support local business.

We try to stick to our regular routine as much as possible when we travel, so the kids feel somewhat comfortable in every new place (and in India, there were quite a few new places). So we packed a couple of their favorite books to read (when they didn’t fall asleep in the car), and we had to pack at least one “animal friend” for each of them, in case they needed one. While for the most part, they did fine without, we didn’t want to risk a meltdown. They understood ahead of time that we wouldn’t pack a) anything too bulky (takes up too much luggage space) and b) any of their absolute favorites (cannot risk losing it) – so Cheetah, Doggy, Kitty Cat, and the little bear that the middle one got when he was in the hospital – were off limits. However, they had to be important enough that they would serve the comforting needs as required (a.k.a. second-tier animal friends, or animal close-acquaintances?). So Baby Simba and the two grownup Simbas came with us – and they did come out to play.

To be totally honest, the flight to California sucked. The little one was totally exhausted and couldn’t fall asleep and spent way too much time crying to let any subsequent sleep make up for the beginning of the flight. And frankly, had we not already purchased our India tickets before that trip, we very likely would not have gone. But that would have been unfortunate, because there was something that we had not taken into account.

We took direct flights for our California trip. This is very important to do, as it makes no sense to subject young children (and their parents) to a seven-hour journey when a four-hour option is available. But our second criterion was cost, not schedule. So the times when we were on the plane were not optimal. Our return flight left LA at 7am, so we got the kids up early, let them sleep in the car, and roused them for the day just as they were confined to sit in one place for the next four hours. And having them do silly obstacle course exercises – twenty jumping jacks, hop from here to there, do a silly dance – at the gate to get rid of their energy only helps so much; they recover from their physical exhaustion well before the flight is over.

In contrast, our flight to India left at 8:40pm – after their normal bedtime – and the return flight departed at 11:40pm. That meant that the boys stayed awake late, and then got onto the plane ready for a good night’s sleep. And since they sleep about 12 hours normally, we could count on at least 8 to 10, which effectively cut the flight time in half. After that much of the flight has passed, you’re mentally more capable of handling the challenge of managing three young, energetic boys on the plane. And that is where the supplies come into play.

First, fly on a Boeing 777-200e (note the e). It’s a nice plane. Each seat has its own video screen that has movies, shows, and games on demand. The 777-200 is nice too, with the individual screen, but it’s not on-demand and the games are less plentiful and the controller harder to use. This may not be something you can control, but if you can, do so. The upgrade is worth it. So that said, you can eliminate portable DVD player and video game console of the list, right? Well, our six-year-old got a Nintendo DS for Christmas, and that did come in handy as well.

I’ll do a separate post reviewing different toys that we packed for the kids. But we did pack a lot of toys, and on the trip to India, kept about a third of it in our other travel bag, so we could offer a fresh selection once they went through all the original items.

They have yet to use all their toys on a trip. I packed a moleskin journal for my six-year-old to chronicle his experiences in India. Perhaps one day I'll post the one entry he did make. But to end on a nice, cheesy note, one great way to pass a lot of time on a plane is to sit and talk to - and listen to - your kid. Finally, with nothing else to do, with no other distractions and no multi-tasking possible (leave those computers at home!!!) I could finally sit and listen to those endless stories that they're just so eager to tell.

Wait, this was supposed to be about how to make the flight seem shorter, right?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

So one day after posting a piece reminding me to keep smiling and appreciate every moment, I had a crappy day. I woke up in a crabby mood, was incredibly short with my kids all morning, and returned from dropping off my son feeling very down. I napped for most of the morning, while my son played and watched some television, and that helped a bit. But then, after lunch, I grew impatient with my two-year-old when he wouldn’t stay in bed for his nap, yelled at the kids and the dog, and broke down crying for a good ten minutes before I could come downstairs.

The afternoon was a little better, but not much. My husband was home, so I didn’t have to handle the kids alone, but it’s not like they were being particularly bad or anything; it was me. I needed to get away, by myself, to stop feeling so trapped. My husband offered to hang out with the kids while I escaped to a coffee shop for a couple of hours. Instead, I chose to drag them along shopping, hoping to buy bedding (even though we have yet to order a bed) for the boys’ room. I wanted to feel like I was accomplishing something. Instead, we wasted two hours at Target. And bedtime again found me yelling at my kids.

So why am I sharing all this? I think I determined this morning that I was going to have a bad day, and the rest of the day was pretty much written. As I look back, I have to think hard to remember the good moments, like when my kids giggled like crazy as their dad read, and acted out, “The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear.” So once I had named today a bad day, it was destined to be a bad day. On the bright side, I only messed up one day, and tomorrow will be better.

My mother-in-law recently got a book on numerology (or something like that). She wanted to know the date and time of birth for each of us, starting with her grandkids and then asking me for my birth information. She never did tell me what she found out about me, but she mentioned that my second son is exactly as this book determined he would be. I’ve also, in the past, looked through this website, Kabalarians.com, to look up baby names and meanings. I used to, anyhow, until they started charging for the information. They do a pretty comprehensive listing of what your name means, including what physical ailments a person of a given name is likely to suffer. And I’ll admit that when I was pregnant with my firstborn, I searched the web for the particular name I was considering, and, discovering several personal websites for geeky Indian guys, vetoed the name. In all fairness for the name, the likelihood of non-geeky types having websites was generally pretty low, since they would be too busy having lives to maintain a website, so the search was kind of biased to begin with. And in defense of geeky Indians with websites, well, good for you. Be yourself. Have fun.

But my point is (and really, there is a point here) that I don’t think you can judge a person by his name (and maybe I’m just trying to make myself chill out a bit about not yet having a name for my third kid), nor do I think that a person’s personality and future are determined at the time of his birth. This numerology book, in predicting careers for my nephew, listed so many disparate careers that it really allowed itself to be true regardless of what my nephew ends up doing. I mean, it didn’t list rickshaw driver or beggar, but shy of that, it pretty much covered the gamut. Kind of like daily horoscopes, if you will.

But my problem is that based on this information, which seems to fit my two-year-old son perfectly, certain characteristics will be noticed more and others (which did not fit the profile) will be overlooked. My son will then be treated accordingly, and perhaps he will be destined to turn out exactly as this book says because of the presupposition that he will become a certain way. Did that make sense?

In my favorite parenting book, there’s a chapter about overcoming stereotypes. It says that if a kid sees himself, for example, as irresponsible, and everyone notices every time he is irresponsible, then it reinforces his belief. On the other hand, if you downplay the irresponsible acts and treat him as if he’s already responsible, and praise him and point out when he acts responsibly, then he’ll start to believe and thus become responsible. I mean, the dumb jock will always act like a dumb jock. The princess can get away with being selfish, because it’s expected of her. People enable bad behavior by fitting people into roles and treating them accordingly. I say it’s okay to use this for good traits (you are so considerate toward your brother, you do good sharing, etc.), and I do.

But I don’t want my sons treated as though their futures are known. I don’t want some book to shape their personalities by affecting how people treat them. It’s hard, I know. I just messed up a whole day that way.

Keep Smiling

I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago. The sister of a close friend had died of cancer, leaving behind a husband and two sons. She was forty years old and, I learned, since learning of the cancer six years ago, had never once complained. She was an amazing, positive person, courageous and strong, to the end. The eulogies given by her husband, her brother, and her best friend all made me smile and brought tears to my eyes. And I never even knew her.

When I got to the funeral, I felt guilty being there. All around me, the room was packed with people who knew her, loved her, and would miss her smile, her kindness, her interminably positive presence. There were people who had known her all her life or all their lives. I felt like I was intruding on their private moment. But I wasn’t there for myself. I was there for my husband, for my friends, for her brother.

After the eulogies and prayers, we stepped out so the family could say goodbye privately. And it hit me. I thought about her husband and her sons, her brother and sister-in-law, her parents. I thought about how they had to say goodbye for the last time to this woman who was, by all accounts, a most amazing person.

I know that death is hardest for those left behind. She who died will no longer have to suffer; she may be at peace and in comfort now. But the void she leaves behind, the space she still fills, will remain.

She had a message for everyone who attended her funeral. “Keep smiling,” she had her brother tell us. The message is so simple, yet so powerful. Try it. When you’re in a crappy mood, smile. Force yourself to smile. Smile first a creepy, angry smile if you must, but smile. Smile until your cheeks hurt and your lips are dry.

My mom once gave me some excellent parenting advice – or perhaps simply survival advice. She said once, in passing, “You’ll miss this.” Or maybe it was more something like “They’re only this age once.” I don’t know. Shows how well I listen to my mother, doesn’t it? Anyhow, the point was the same. My kids, frustrating as they can be at almost 5 and 2, will grow older, and these hyper-charged, optimistic, energetic, innocent, parent-worshipping toddlers will be replaced by suspicious, lazy, smart-aleck, parent-resenting teenagers.

I recently read the book, “Dogs of Babel” that mentioned in passing a woman who would fake droopy eyes at her infant child to make the child feel sleepy. So one day, as I lay next to my two-year-old to get him to take his nap, I tried that trick. It didn’t really work – at all. But, getting impatient, I ordered my son to go to sleep. I was sick and tired of how long it takes to make this already exhausted, sleepy boy go down for a nap, and I wanted to get downstairs. Well, he flashed me the droopy eyes, the whole routine – closing them half way, and then opening them, again and again. I smiled despite myself. That little sneak was using my trick on me. He smiled back at me. I started to laugh. And I just couldn’t stop. He joined in, and the two of us laughed until we were out of breath.

Now, I certainly can’t remember what time he went to sleep during that nap or later that night, or how crabby he was later that afternoon. And I suppose that’s the lesson. I need to enjoy the moments and relax more about the particulars. It’s stressful, of course, because I’m the one who keeps them on schedule. I’m the one who’s there day after day making sure they wake up, get ready, eat, get to school, have lunch, snacks, naps, and dinner on time, and go to bed on time so they can start the whole routine again the next day in the best possible mood.

At the funeral, I did the math, and realized that this woman was exactly where I am now when she was diagnosed with cancer. She was 34 years old, with two boys the same ages as my sons are now. And those boys are incredibly strong, so mature. What does this tell me? Well, one, I am quite fortunate to still have my life ahead of me. Two, I don’t know how long that is, and so I need to make the most of every day. And three, to do that, I need to keep smiling and enjoy the moments when my kids are just kids and not simply doing everything I tell them to do to stay on schedule.

Ah, Spring

Ah, chalk, a gate, and a window: three tools for a peaceful five minutes of parenting. The boys don’t want to come in, I want to sit down for a few minutes, and my elder son finds the perfect solution. From the shelf in the garage he pulls out the carton of Sidewalk Chalk, pulls it out, and starts drawing. His brother joins in, so I walk to the gate, close it, and head inside. Not a sound is to be heard, the beautiful silence of kids coloring. Of course, silence makes me nervous and I look outside every 30 seconds or so. But all is well, and I relax.

Now, five minutes later, my email is checked, and the driveway is decorated with my son’s name in blue, three umbrellas and a person in pink, and lots of scribbles in yellow, blue, grey, white, pink, and purple. The basketball is out, and my four year old needs to change his pants before we leave for the restaurant, but how wonderful it is that finally, outdoor time is possible in Cleveland. Warm, without rain.

Ten minutes, now I’m pushing my luck. When should I go out and summon them in? When do we start picking up the chalk? Can I bring back this peace later, after lunch, or is this a one-time deal? Later, inside, it’ll be different. Outside, it seems the screams dissipate almost immediately, as the world full of new toys – look at that stick; ooh, a basketball; is that mud? – draws their attention from their disagreements.

The winter doldrums have ended, bringing on the promise of a wonderful Spring where the whole world is opened up to us.

Darn, they came inside. Time’s up.